1 year post-op

It’s hard to believe that I am one year out from surgery. I had my check up on Nov 29 and was told that I was perfect. Doing well and everything. I just had to shake my head. But really…one whole year has passed since I made the decisions that have changed my life in more than one way. I have to admit that I keep checking myself out in the mirror when I walk by, look at my face from every angle, wondering who the hell is staring back at me. Dr. Snyder was telling me that he wouldn’t have recognized me in the street. Hell, half the time I don’t know me! It’s a weird and wonderful feeling all at the same time. I told him that I like being able to go into the stores for the “skinny” people and not have to only buy the accessories. Oh man, it’s crazy knowing that I can buy just about any piece of clothing in the store if I money were no object, rather than my size holding me back.

I have said it before and I’ll say it again…it’s not about the weight. It was always about the health, but I’m not going to lie and tell you that I don’t like looking as good as I do now. This blog is about the truth and I’m not going to start lying at this point. I like being smaller than I was. there is no shame in admitting it. I loved me big and I love me small. It’s just…people look at you a LOT different when you are 100lbs lighter than before.

Now that I’ve reached my milestone, I need to start setting goals that are not weight related. I made a lot of promises to myself and it’s time I start keeping them.

Thinking hurts…

So I’ve had an epiphany of sorts. More like a realization really, but still amounts to the same thing.

A lot of us talk about how our friends change once the we have the surgery. that once the weight comes off and we are behaving differently, our friends start to either like it or not like it. The ones that don’t, we take notice of and point out at all our meetings, to anyone that will listen to how hurt we are. But here’s something that may have slipped your notice.

What if it’s us/you and not them?

Think about it, long and deep before you jump off the handle at me and call me all kinds of names. You can call me them if you like, but that’s another story.

Sit down and think about where you’re head is right now. What’s on you mind as your body changes and shifts, as your moods swing from one arena to the other, as you contemplate this new path you are on. Are you the same person that you used to be? I know that I’m not and after all this time of complaining about the people surrounding me, I’m starting to see that I’m also different, a new me if you will. The things I used to be willing to tolerate have changed, which means that certain people have to either change or let me go. I’m not to nice about it either, having less patience than I used to for the slow movers. This can and does cause some issues. Not everyone is at the same point in their life as me and I forget that as I chug along, changing and rearranging and throwing out the old the let in the new. Not everyone wants to change, no matter how much I may want them to. My thoughts are different now, dreams coming to the forefront and an urge to make them all come true. I have people around me that dream as well, but the different I feel at this point is that I’m going to make the effort to make them true, even if I fail miserably in the process. At least then I know. The people around me dream, but are scared of that final push and I often feel resent me for being willing to take the risk. It could be me though, and my unwillingness to slow down for them, when it’s clear that they are not going to make the effort to try to catch up.

I keep putting the blame on them, but some of it belongs on me and I’m trying to carry it like a big girl. I’m different, and I want different things from my life than I used to. I don’t understand any longer, though I doubt I ever did, those that don’t, Those that don’t want to be better than they are, but complain that things are so bad where they are. I want more, almost obsessed with it at this point and I see the slow people in my lane as obstacles, something to shove aside as I reach for the stars.

I guess what I’m saying is that not only do your friends leave sometimes through this process, but sometimes, you push them out of the way to get to something better. Whether this is good or bad depends on the friend. If they’ve made the effort to understand what you’re going through, the process and the emotions that rapid weight loss can cause, then I say slow down and let them catch up to you. they are worth it and even if the relationship is not the same, it could be better than it ever was, evolving into something beautiful. 

If on the other hand, they show no interest, pretending that you are the same as you ever were even through the mirror is clearly telling you something different, then if may be time to reevaluate where you stand with that person.

Don’t know if I should say this…

But I get cravings…a lot

They aren’t as bad as they used to be and the taste seems to have shifted. for nearly two weeks, I wanted nothing but fruit. Apples, melons, cherries, you name it, I wanted it. Then it was carbs. Not bad cravings like I’d had before, but they're were still there. Mostly potatoes and some pasta, but I did give in occasionally to donuts. No shame there, just an acknowledgment that this surgery is a tool, not an answer to what goes on in my body. I try to find substitutes, but when I can’t, I give in to the craving, but limit it if it’s a naughty craving to something small. That’s just life and I acknowledge it. I am still working out, though I have to see why people say the feel better. I don’t. Never have and never will. Oh well…

Has anyone else noticed that when they walk passed the mirror, they stop to stare at themselves? I find myself doing it all the time, turning this way and that way to admire the new body. *lol* just a thought.

Dinner...

Baked Salmon

Oven - 400 °
Time - 20 to 30 minutes

Hardware:
Baking Sheet
Foil Sheets

Ingredients:
2-4oz. Salmon pieces
½ tbsp Dijon Mustard
1 tsp Fish Sauce
1 tsp Soy Sauce
¼ cup Olive Oil
½ tbsp Lemon Juice
¼ tsp Garlic
½ tsp Salt
1 tsp Pepper
1 tbsp Vinegar
¼ tsp Sugar
Red Onion - small ½ moon shapes
1 8 oz Jar Roasted Artichoke’s


Pre-heat oven to the 400 degrees. Need 2 4 oz pieces of Salmon. In a mixing bowl combine the mustard, soy sauce, fish sauce, lemon juice, garlic, salt, pepper, vinegar, and sugar. Mix thoroughly to combine all ingredients. Stream in olive oil to create a vinaigrette.

Prep small red onion and cut half moon shapes. Create a bed with the onions on the foil sheets. Place fish on top of the onions. Sprinkle the Salmon pieces with some salt and pepper. Drain the can of roasted artichokes, dicing 1 to 2 pieces of artichoke per fish. Then place these on top of the salmon; along with any left over onion. Take foil, and create a pouch, but leave a small opening to place the vinaigrette inside.

Spoon the ½ of the vinaigrette over one piece of salmon, and then repeat the other half over the second piece of salmon. Place onto the baking sheet. Close the pouch and put it into the oven for 20 to 30 minutes.

I served this with a nice quinoa and cucumber salad. Very filling and full of protein. The salmon came out nice and flaky, still moist and pink in the center. I do have one thing to say though. I would be very careful with the fish sauce. It’s salty on it’s own, so watch the other salt you put into the fish and even side dishes. I had to do some tweaking even after I made the vinaigrette, since I forgot about how salty the fish was.

Husband's Portion:















My portion:

A rant if you will

Let’s talk about something that’s been on my mind for a while. A long while, since before surgery. Stereotypes.More specifically, the stereotypes that we as wls’er’s face every day. I’m going to start with one that plagues me all the time, though never to my face.

#1-you took the easy way out.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME! These people have no idea how hard this decision was, how hard it is to live it everyday, how long it took me to come to the conclusion that this was the only way to save my life. As a fat person, you know that I went on every diet that came out on the market. Took all the pills, did all the groups, lost all the weight only to have it come back on twice as bad. To be honest, I could deal with the weight. I loved myself enough that I liked who I saw in the mirror. Call it a strong upbringing, or a father who spoiled me rotten, but I did not suffer low self-esteem as some other people do. Whether they were overweight or not. what I did suffer from  was high blood pressure. It runs on the family and my father told me in an off-hand kind of way that his father died from it. They couldn’t get it down and he stroked out. That was the wake up call. That and the fact that every time I went to the dr., my stats just kept rising. I was diagnosed at the age of 25 with hbp. That’s not funny in the least. I knew that diabetes and other obesity related diseases were just around the corner. Being out of breath on three flights of stairs…not so cute. So I made the decision to lose the weight, any way that I could. It was not easy and it still isn’t. Do you know what it’s like not to be able to eat what you want, when you want? Being on the diet is easy, you can just cheat any time you want, with no consequences. If I want to cheat, I have to weight it carefully, whether it will mess me up later on down the road or right then. there is no falling off the wagon anymore. This is my life and it was the hardest decision that I have ever had to make. Don’t make me out to be come kind of lazy bum. It’s a tool, not a quick fix.

#2-People who have weight loss surgery always get divorced.

Have you ever thought of why that is? Once you lose the weight and start seeing yourself in a new light, you start to see the rest of the world in that same new light. People who used to be your friends now look at you as if you are a stranger. They whisper about you (sometimes) leaving you  out of events because they think you won’t go cuz of food. Your spouse, who was with you before the surgery, starts to get jealous of all the attention you’re now getting, jealous that you are taking better care of yourself, jealous that you no longer look at food the way you used to. They can’t sabotage you anymore, can’t bring food into the house hoping you’ll binge and fall off the wagon. I’m not saying that every relationship is like this. HELL NO! what I am saying is that some relationships are like this. Detrimental from the start, only the other person was too…something to see it. blind, lonely, whatever the reason, they stuck around, thinking it was all they could have. Almost like a battered wife. You think it’s what you deserve, until you see the light. The weight comes off and you start to feel better about yourself, you start to see a light at the end of the tunnel, knowing that your day is coming. People around you, if they truly love you, will stick through the ups and downs. Those that don’t, make it known early on how it’s going to go and you have to make the decision if it’s worth it or not. A lot times, wls’er’s don’t and that’s why they divorce and lose friends. It has nothing really to do with the surgery and more to do with coming into your own, finding your footing that you never knew you had.

Those are the two big ones that I deal with. I’m sure there are others and I’m very interested to find out what they are and how you combat them. Let me in comments or a link back to a blog post discussing this issue.

New Clothes…

Have I shown you my new clothes? So giddy like it’s Christmas, every time I go shopping for clothes.

 This was one of the first outfits I bought when I felt confident that I wasn’t going to be dropping dress sizes overnight *LOL* I’m also creating a look book, with all my new outfits.

Something's been on my mind…

After dr.Snyder's seminar at the beginning of the month and having one question keep coming back around, I thought I would talk about it. It seems to be on everyone’s mind, especially if they are considering having gastric bypass or the sleeve.

Loose skin

Most people want to know about, but few people who go through it want to discuss it. I’m not sure if it’s vanity or just not wanting to give TMI, but I’m going to give it a shot.

I started this process at 260 lbs. The heaviest I’d ever been in my life. Always been a fat girl, but this was big even for my family. Which means I already had lots of skin. I had the extra baggage around the arm areas, waving like a third and fourth hand to anyone that I waved to. No biggie for me. I still did tank tops and sleeveless and tube tops and other items that exposed my arms. I also had huge thighs and back fat. Still didn’t stop me. This means that I never had that aversion to be exposed the way a lot of bigger people do. To be blunt, my self esteem was up there with the top models. I was the shit.

So now that I’ve lost 100lbs, all that fat that used to take up the skin is gone and now I just have the skin left over as a reminder of what I used to be. Does it bother me?

Not at all.

Still rocking the tank tops and tube tops and whatever the hell else I can fit into that I couldn’t before, even with the luggage chilling out under my arms. My thighs are smaller, and I have skin that pools around the joint when I’m laying on my back and have my legs in the air. (hey, not like that. My mother reads this.) I’m loving this new body in ways that I never did before. The skin is a non factor for me. To be honest though, I didn’t have as much to lose as other people and so the skin left is not as extreme as others. Take my husband for instance. Once he gets surgery, I fear/feel that he’s going to have A LOT of excess skin. He’s got a big tummy and…man boobs. that’s right, I said it! I promised to be honest and that is part of it.

Dr. Snyder has said that the bounce back of skin takes all kinds of factor’s into account. Age, race, health, smoker/non-smoker, working out or not. A lot of things can happen to make the skin bounce back or not. Will my skin tighten? I can’t say for sure. It may. Will I freak out if it doesn’t? No. Though…I may get a tummy tuck in the future…Just so I can say I have flat tummy. *LOL*

Updates and news…

Do you know that I’m doing a happy dance right now? A little jig that has me moving my feet and looking like a goof ball. Why you ask? Well, at my last dr. appt, the nurse informed me that I’m at a good weight right now. Five pounds give or take and it’s all good.

I’m officially 170 lbs!!!

Man, this feels good. I’ve never been this weight or this size in my life. I know that I could use some toning, but I feel good. My wardrobe is very sparse I’ll admit, but at this size, it should grow by leaps and bounds over the next few years. I’m not sure if I’ll get surgery, because I can deal with the loose skin. I mean…it’s like a badge of honor really, all this skin flapping around, but no fat to fill it out. I did it, I made a promise to myself and I kept it. I’ll continue to keep it as well.

Have you seen…

The new me?

Okay, so not really the new me, since this photo is about a month old, but still. Almost at goal weight and then I’m going to tone like hell. Should have been doing it, but…oh well.

New recipe

I know that I said I was too lazy to post pictures, but since I’m here at the laptop, I thought I would.

Salmon cakes and creamed spinach.

I got the recipes from Rocco’s eat this and a weight watcher’s magazine. Very tasty and surprisingly not to hard to keep down. As you can tell, this is the hubby’s plate, as I barely got one cake and some of the spinach down. I have to say the cakes were good and very reminiscent of what my father used to make for me at home.

New goals…

So a thought occurred to me a few days ago and I have been unable to let it go. It haunts me, keeping me up at night and making my stomach churn. No, it’s not the sugar, though we can talk about that later.

I want to do a 5k.

I’d made plans to do it after surgery, looking forward to it the way a kid looks toward Christmas, but somewhere between working and…working, I lost sight of the goal. Damn me and my not keeping focused. So a co-worker and I are going to train for one in September. I may not finish, but it would be a goal to work towards. right?

I have been a bad girl…very bad. I have not been cooking like I wanted. I have the recipes, the food, but…I’m just not feeling it. I can’t fall it funk, more like a lack of interest. I still find recipes and mark them, but when it comes to execution…not so much. I know that it’s really a cycle and I’ll be back in the mood. What’s sad is that I have pics of food that I’ve made, only I’m a bit too lazy to post them. So sad…

Last thing…I need to find a spa. I want to do a whole pampering thing. Any ideas from the ladies in CO?

Checking in…

So we have about a month before the hubby is going on to talk to the dr and while we wait, I keep telling him all things that are going to change. He seems to be okay with it, but we’ll see what happens.

Today I wanted to do a little shopping. It’s summer time and I need clothes, summer clothes to be exact. Everything that I had went the way of the donation bin and I’ve been trying to recoup ever since. So, I went to Old Navy, checking things out. The day before, I’d grabbed a pair of khaki fourteens from the same store, thinking that would be fine. But after wearing them, I noted that they were a tad…too big. So I went back to the store, pulling out some 14’s and a 12. Didn’t think it would be anything, assuming it was just the pants and I wasn’t actually smaller…

I am.

As of today, I’m in a size 12, at least on the bottom. I tried on a few mediums, but they didn't fit. Could be because it was a swimsuit, but I can’t be sure right now. energy was running low, so I didn’t do much investigation.

But a 12…hot damn! I have never been a 12…ever! Always a 14, even as a teen. I’m going to take measurements this week and we’ll see where I’m at.

Very exciting news.

Something different

This post isn’t so much about me as it is my husband. He has decided that he’s going to have gastric bypass. I did not talk him into this, or coerce him in any way. I actually tried to talk him out of it, since I didn’t want anyone to think those very things. He keeps looking at me though, jealous of the weight I’m losing and I think…he wants to make a change as well.

We have a consultation with Dr. Snyder on the July 12 and from there, I think we are going to be off and running. I’m excited and nervous for him. excited because I think this will help him with getting the job that he really wants and help out with some of the issues he’s having because of all the weight he’s carrying. I’m nervous because I don’t know if he’s mentally ready for this change. He still eats HUGE portions that he barely chews. there are other things as well, such as him not being ready to give up certain foods, the lack of exercise, not wanting to chew slow and take his time eating. I just…worry that it’s not going to be smooth sailing for him.

For now, we are going to take it a day at time, get him used to the portion sizes that he needs to eat and other things before this consultation.

We shall see.

Purging…never felt so good

Yesterday, I went through everything in my closet and gave it all away. Well, it’s still in the house, but it’s gone from the closet. feels like another life looking at that box, another person leaving the house and I’m left behind. I don’t how it feels so good, but it does. Packing up all that baggage, all those old dreams I used to have and making room for the new ones…very good breathing now. I even managed to redo my office, hoping that opening it up will allow positive energy to flow in, help me make this a success. We’ll see in the upcoming months, but I think this is a good start to everything I have planned.

So we r sittin @ black eyed pea havin lunch and it's pretty good. I ordered the meatloaf and though the portion size is HUGE, I still put a bit of a dent in it. Eating out seems to have gotten easier as the stomach has gotten bigger, which is good. I still beed to b careful on what I eat, but its not so bad.
So black eyed pea is on the list to eat @ .

Something in the air

I seem to be a bundle of energy lately. So much on my mind, so many plans I feel as if I have AHDH, if that’s what it’s like. I’m focused, but still find myself jumping from thing to thing, never enough time to get it all done. Tires me out thinking about it.

Today I went shopping and I must say…I felt good going through the stores and buying larges and xl, instead of 2xl’s or even 3xl’s as I had been. Felt very good to try stuff on, be excited about the prospect of something new. Not that I wasn’t before, but now…it’s different. Better somehow. I liked being able to wear what’s current and trendy, rather than what other’s think I should be wearing as a big girl. I just feel…lighter. As if I can accomplish all the goals that I have set for me. I don’t know if I felt that way before. I might have, but I don’t think it was this strong. I just feel good.

The shopping trip was also an eye opener, mostly about how I’m starting to view my friends and the life I’ve been living. I can’t say it was all that fun before, mostly doing what I felt I had to. Now, I want more. I want to be freer than I ever have been before, but I find myself being held back by others. Other’s that don’t get how I’ve changed and not just the weight.

I realize for some, that weight is nothing. Must be nice. For me, it was both nothing and everything to my way of thinking. Looking back, I found that I used to hold onto things, almost like a hoarder. Not as bad, but the mentality was there. I don’t know why or how, but letting go of some things used to freak me out. Now, that I’m almost at goal weight, I look around this apartment and I want to toss it all. Start new and begin again. A spring cleaning of both home and life. I don’t want to keep hanging on to things that are not going to be good for me, help me succeed. I can see now, why people who have had gastric lose so many people in their life. They start to look at things differently, start to see the world around them in a whole new light and it’s not the same. they are eternally different, changed on a level that other’s just don’t get if they aren’t in the club.

Pizza

I mentioned earlier that I wanted pizza. Benn craving it really and how hard it was to find something a good one. Someone mentioned, though I think it came from a cookbook, about using a whole wheat thin crust to make pizza. finding no harm in it, I bought a crust and took it home. Following the recipe that I found in a weight watchers magazine, I set out to create a pizza that was low in carbs, but high in taste.

This was my creation and I have to say it was pretty good. Artichokes, spinach and a light pizza sauce had the house smelling delicious. I started small, knowing that my stomach wouldn’t be able to hand it completely.

As good as it was…I still couldn’t keep it down. I can eat thin crust from pizza hut and dominos and any Italian joint worth it’s weight, but trying to eat thin crust wheat just does not work. the other pizza did the same thing and it leaves me wondering what I can do. I don’t really want to order out pizza all the time, since I don’t know what’s in it really and it’s hard to keep track. At least home made pizza is better for me, but how can I do it if I can’t keep it down?

So emotional…

these past few months have been hard on me, I have to admit. I don’t let anyone really know how hard, but it’s a struggle. Mostly it has to do with my emotions and how out of control I feel lately. The dr.’s keep telling me that it’s all the weight loss and it should even out soon enough, but I’m not so sure. I feel very angry towards everyone, anyone really. At times, I find it hard to control my emotions, wanting to lash out at everyone. I’ve never liked working retail and over the past few years, it’s turned into a sick kind of hatred. That I could deal with, cuz a small part of me still cared. That part of me is gone, VERY gone. Now, it’s all I can do to get up in the morning and not scream in anger at the thought of my ridiculous job. Most of the people there I like, but now…I can’t really stand them. Has nothing to do with them…mostly. It’s really me and my inability to tolerate them anymore. It’s not just the job though….I can fly off the handle at anything these days, screaming and yelling at the top of my lungs. A few minutes later and I’m okay.

Is this what going crazy is like? God I hope not!

I know that I need to see a therapist, I know that. Because there is something else going on other than the weight loss.

It’s weird, but I’m hungry. I mean…I can till I’m full and then like bad Chinese food that runs through you, I’m hungry again an hour later. What the hell is that? I drink first to make sure it’s not that I’m thirsty, but when the feeling doesn’t go away, I know it’s hunger. My husband thinks I’m not getting enough to eat when I am eating, not eating the good stuff. He might be right. It just seems pointless to make a meal and I’m only going to eat half a cup. I know that I can eat it later, but the microwave and I don’t always get along, especially when it comes to meat. YUCH!

I think I’m going to call my dr. tomorrow and see what Snyder says. It could be something in my mind or maybe it’s a deficiency and I need to correct it. Whatever it is, I gotta get to the bottom of it…soon.

Chinese fake out

A few days ago, I was flipping through the cookbook that my BF’s sister gave me for Christmas, Now Eat This! by Rocco Dispirito and I decided to try the recipe for Almost General Tso’s chicken. I’ve been craving Chinese food for a while now, but it’s a risky thing to order out when you’re not really sure what’s in the food. At the risk of dumping or having other issues, I’ve been avoiding it for a while. With this recipe under my arm, I decided to see what I could do.

Menu:

Almost General Tso’s chicken

Fried noodles

It’s a bit labor intensive, with cooking the chicken separately and then adding it to the sauce, but in the end…so worth it. I had a few pieces, along with a bit of the fried noodles I invented and all was happy. At first. Then, after letting it sit for a while, I realized it was too much for me. I had to hit the restroom and stay there. I filled me up too much and I paid for it. Also, I think the spice from the chili garlic sauce did me in as well. I don’t seem to be able to handle spice as well anymore. I can do pepper, but if it’s anything other than that…it’s not sitting well for me. DAMN IT!

Still, I think that if I ate less or waited until my stomach is a bit bigger, I could handle it. The noodles were good and I could do them again, only with some protein in them like grilled chicken or perhaps some ground pork or beef.

Mood swings

Let’s talk about something that nobody wants to discuss in connection with gastric bypass. Mood swings. BAD ONES

I’m not talking about the ones where you feel a little down and then laugh and you feel better. I’m talking about serious, medication needing, don’t look at me funny or I’ll kill you mood swings.

Now the nurse told me AFTER surgery about the hormone surges and I thought “I can handle it.”

Uh…no

Most days, I’m okay. I manage to keep my emotions in check and don’t attack people. I can laugh and joke and it’s mostly okay. I still find it hard to pretend to care, but I think I’m doing a good job of faking it. Other days, usually when I’m at work, I find myself more angry and ready to just…*POW* I don’t know what it is. I want to hurt people, I want to attack them, make them leave me alone any way that I can. Sometimes, I fade out, thinking of different ways to attack people and see them cry. I can’t say that before the surgery I wasn’t this, because I was, only it wasn’t so scary and EVERYDAY. It might be work, but I think it’s more than that. I know I need to make an appointment with my PCP and see what they say. The nurse from support group made the comment that as long as I’m not on birth control, the extra estrogen released is easier to handle.

OH shit…wish someone had told me that before I got back on B.C.

Some days, it’s good. I’m not a menace and I can actually laugh. Other days…I just have to grit and bear it. I don’t know though how much more I can handle this. Spending time outside the house is a chore, unless it’s shopping. That makes me happy, but only so much. I still have to deal with other people who just don’t seem to get it.

I’m not sure if this a type of depression, or some kind of steroid rage that I’m not going to be able to control. We’ll just have to see the Dr. and see what he says.

Not much cooking

Lately, I’ve been in a food funk. Not sure why, but all the pretty food in the kitchen has not been inspiring me. Instead, village inn, Denny’s and various other places have been filling my belly. I won’t go too deep, but there’s trouble brewing at home. Not so much with the mister, but in other places. Having to deal with that and some of the hormone surges associated with rapid weight loss has just let me…eh. I still like to flip through my cooking mag’s and I have been feeling the inspiration…sort of. So perhaps in the next few weeks, I will get back into the swing of things. First though…I must go shopping. When the light shines down through the racks in the fridge, you know it’s bare. That and the condiments outnumber the fresh food.

Never a good sign.

Meatballs

Scrolling through some of my favorite blogs, i came across a recipe for meatballs. Normally, this would not excite me, since i know how to make meatballs, but since the surgery, i can't cook them the way that I'm used to, which is frying them up. I needed a new way to make them and this recipe was like a beacon in the dark. The only real change i made to it was adding some sliced string cheese in the middle so it was like molten meatballs. the hubby loved it and i found it nicely filling.
 

Instead of the regular white pasta, I used whole wheat linguine and some canned tomatoes. I wasn't in the mood for really cooking, especially since the hubby had some friends coming over. But, this was a tasty meal and I got about half of what you see down. The meatballs i must say were the best part.

Breakfast

So while out n about getting my blood drawn, I realised t@ I needed 2 get some protein n me. I've been up since around 8 or so its time to eat. I'm currently @ the egg & I, trying out their egg petite-which is 1 egg, one sausage, some potatos n toast. The eggs were good, very good. So was the sausage n the few potatos I ate. All n all, I'd have 2 say this is a good place for bariatric patients. Plenty of protein and the option 2 get egg whites or egg substitues for $0.99 is not a bad thing. I have not seen the kids menu yet but I'm sure its good, since it seems more resonable to order from that than the adult menu.
So I saw the kids menu and its not bad. I may actually order from t@ next time and hopefully get 2 switch some things out.

New Idea…

I think I want to try to cook something new everyday. I can’t really eat most of it, but I have this desire to cook. Now that I’m no longer hungry in the same sense, I find my desire to cook nearly overwhelming. Is this what they mean when they say you find a new obsession after wls? It feels like the same one, only a different focus. Now I want to cook. I want to stay home and cook and all day, finding new recipes, trying new things. I can’t explain it. I always wanted to be a chef, but something held me back. It might have been my love of food, not wanting it to be damaged by the demands of school and structure and having to be perfect. Now that I’ve had the surgery, the urge is back, strong. I don’t really get hungry at the food, though some smells bring back a mouth watering sensation. I think it’s more like a memory than anything else. Cuz once I eat it, even if it’s a taste…I’m pretty much done for the day. I don’t need anything else. I also realized that I get hungry only cuz I know I’m supposed to. If I don’t think about my schedule for a minute of when I should eat and when I should drink…I go off the grid and just drink all day. Then, at the last minute, I go “Oh crap, I should be eating.” and then I go and eat some protein and I’m done. I think that would make a good cook in the kitchen, but I can’t be sure. At least I wouldn’t gain a lot of weight nibbling on everything.

I do have a few ideas on opening my restaurant(s) but I’m still on the fence. I def want a place for bariatric patients to eat and not feel that they are wasting their money. More like a place to eat for all people who are on diets or some kind of special eating plan. Hmmm…ideas are flowing now.

Fish tacos

I can't remember when i made this. I just know that I'd had a weird craving for it after watching a Diner's, Drive-in's and dives episode. It took me a long minute to figure out just how to make this without risking dumping or overfilling my pouch. I only had one, which was fine. Satisfied the craving and it was good.  
Just using a breaded, packaged fish stick and viola, you have fish tacos. Now, i do have other kinds of fish in the house, but after a night of work, i didn't want to mess with anything that required me to think to hard. This will def be on the menu again, except the rice. even after cooking it in the microwave, it was still crunchy. Damn brown rice in a bag. *sigh* I'm gonna need a new cooking method for the brown rice.
Which reminds me, i need to work on next month's cooking schedule. Hmmm...

Dumping

This is a dreaded reaction to eating too much sugar or carbs, in which your stomach cramps, you might have diarrhea, sweats, upset stomach, vomiting, nausea, other horrible things.

I’ve been dreading this happening to me since the surgery, avoiding sugar at all costs. But lately, I’ve had the worst gas ever. I know, you really want to know this. It started at the beginning of the week and has lasted nearly the entire time. Sometimes it would dissipate and then I’d eat something and it would come back. So, I’ve suffered through it, thinking that I was just me. Only today did I realize that it was my dumping, after about a bite of cake for someone’s birthday. I GET GAS WHEN I DUMP! WTF? That is my dumping. I don’t know if I’m happy or sad about this. I mean…really?

So with that figured out…hopefully, I can deal with this in the correct way, which is to further restrict my sugar intake until I can figure out just what my limit is and deal with it.

Shopping excursion

I went shopping the other day because let’s be honest, saggy crotch is not a sexy look…on anyone. So I went to Kohl’s with a GC from my mother, intent on only getting some pants for work. Did not work out that way. I spent the whole thing and to be honest, it was a good thing. trying on pants has never been so fun or exciting or daunting in my whole life. I always knew when I’d gained a size and I adjusted my shopping to take that into account. Today was not like that at all. I took at least three pairs of different sized pants into the dressing room, completely unsure of what size I needed. So I started with a size 18w and those were still too big. Went down to a size 16w and those are still too big. So I went to a size 16 in missus’s. Those were a bit snug, but they fit. I ended up with two pairs of khaki’s in the 16w and two pairs of jeans in the 16 missus’s. I think the only reason the 16’s were snug is because it’s that time of the month…which is okay. I’ll be down another size by the end of the month so it’s not going to stop me. I’m also fitting into an XL in shirts. A far cry from the 18/20 I was wearing little more than 3 months ago. Whoo hoo!

Because of all this, I got rid of a few things in my closet. That felt good to, so see clothes going out that no longer fit, new clothes going in the smaller size. I even fit a pair of boxers I bought too small before surgery, planning on fitting into them once I got through surgery. Fitting into them is an accomplishment for me and I feel very good. I’ll be taking pictures soon and posting them.

Eating at parties…

So today was a baby shower for the Hubby’s co-workers. Met a lot of new people and there was some good food there. I nibbled on a bit everything, though I was careful to not eat foods that I had questions about. Hummus and a piece of pita, some pretzel bites filled with peanut butter (yum) and half a devilled egg. Some addintional protein with a bit of beef tenderloin from a slider. Even with all that, I still ate too much. Not on purpose mind you. I was very careful in what I ate, but I still made a misstep somewhere in my eating choices. Actually, I think it was the half a small cupcake that I nibbled on after having eaten. I thought, incorrectly is seems, that if I just waited a bit, there would be some room in my tummy for it. I was sadly mistaken…

No matter, I enjoyed myself immensely and don’t regret it much. I look at it as my high fat day or my treat day and now I’m good for the week.

My three month photo update. Very proud of how far I’ve come. Still about 45 pounds to go but I’m feeling good about it.

Things are changing…

I’m down 22.5 inches overall and a total of 45 pounds lost. Every time I look in the mirror, I see a new person. It’s a bit weird. Sometimes, I catch myself just checking my new body out, wondering what else is going to come. My pants are huge now, as are most of my shirts and bras. I don’t wanna go get new clothes yet, since I’m still loosing about 5 lbs. a week. I want to get to a more steady weight, then blow through all my savings *LOL*

Food news: I can not eat raw veggie's at this stage. I’m on solids, but salads, steamed veggies and a few other things like that send me to the bathroom every time.  I’m hoping that in a few months, I’ll be able to get back on them and enjoy them. Friut…we are still working up to that. Sad really since I love it so much, but I don’t want to dump, so I gotta go slow in the foods. Pasta’s and breads are good for me as well, though in moderation and only the wheat variety.

Extra: Started working out last week and I’m feeling good. I still don’t like it, but I’m feeling good about it. I’ve dropped a few more pounds since starting, so it’s really helping out a lot with the weight loss. I’m only doing about 30 min a day, but that still helps a lot in keeping the weight off and shedding even more. Once “spring” hits here, I’ll be able to ride the bike places. I’m really waiting for the doc’s to give me the go ahead for swimming. Man…that’s gonna just be the shit when I can get back in the pool!

Measurements…

3 months out

Goal weight: 165

Weight now: 211

46 more lbs. to go

Neck: 16 inches

Upper Arm: 13 inches

Chest: 42

waist: 41

hip: 46

thigh: 22.5

clothing size: >1x

I’m somewhere in between the sizes of a 1x which is a 16/18. My 22 pants are huge on me as are the pants that were too small before the surgery. They were marked a 20 I think. (I’ll have to go check). So yay me…I’m on the right track now.

So as I shop around the grocery store and contemplate what to make for dinner, it hits me that my choices are severly limited. I'd like to make some pizza but the carb intake would have me dumping 5 min after eating. What is a girl to do? With a limit of about 15 grams of carbs per meal, a lot of options are closed off to me. I'm sure that later in life I'll be ok eating some things, right now I'm at a serious loss. What happened to all the atkins friendly things they used have? I could really use some ideas on what do, esp concerning the pizza.

Stir-fry night

I must say, I did not think it was going to go over well. With all the flavors and different textures, I was sure that something would get stuck and I would be in pain…again. Only, I wasn’t. The vegetables were nice and tender, the chicken just right. I seem to be eating quite a bit of chicken these days. Must have something to do with there being a lot of protein in it. either way… I need more ways to cook it. For the stir fry, since I can’t eat the white rice, I cooked up some whole wheat Israeli couscous and put the stir fry on top. Pretty tasty. I did not manage to eat the whole plate, but it still hit the spot.

Experimenting…

I’ve been cooking a lot lately, trying to figure out what I want, what I can eat, what I can’t. I’ve learned that I can not eat vegetables the way that I used to. I used to eat steamed broccoli, asparagus and Brussels sprouts. Now…my stomach just does not agree with me anymore when I do that. I need to cook them till they are nearly nothing, soggy masses and then…I can eat them. Damn! That upsets me on so many levels, it’s not funny. So the other day, I wanted to make sure that what was the issue was. I made the following menu, cooking the sprouts the way I normally do. Everything went well, the chicken was nice and moist and the potatoes were…okay. the sprouts…had me clutching the porcelain god in agony. I may have to try it again later in the year, when my stomach is better and more healed. For now…boiling food is going to have to be the way to go.

The Husband’s plate

 

My plate:

Chicken Piccata

Ingredients

• 2 skinless and boneless chicken breasts, pounded flat
• Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
• All-purpose flour, for dredging 
• 5 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 1/3 cup fresh lemon juice
• 1/2 cup chicken stock
• 1/4 cup brined capers, rinsed 

 

Directions

Season chicken with salt and pepper. Dredge chicken in flour and shake off excess.

In a large skillet over medium high heat, heat up 3 tablespoons olive oil. When oil starts to sizzle, add 2 pieces of chicken and cook for 3 minutes. When chicken is browned, flip and cook other side for 3 minutes. Remove and transfer to plate. Into the pan add the lemon juice, stock and capers. Return to stove and bring to boil, scraping up brown bits from the pan for extra flavor. Check for seasoning. Return all the chicken to the pan and simmer for 5 minutes. Remove chicken to platter. Pour sauce over chicken and garnish with parsley.

 

Curried Sweet Potatos

 

Ingredients

• 2 lbs sweet potatoes, scrubbed
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 2 teaspoons curry powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt (I use a little more)
• 1 pinch cayenne

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 450. Halve the sweet potatoes and cut ech piece lengthwise into quarters. If they are big, cut each piece into thirds.
2. Toss with the oil, curry powder, salt, and cayenne in a large bowl.
3. Arrange in a single layer on a large nonstick baking sheet. Bake, turning once, until browned and crisp, about 35-40 minutes.

   Brussels Sprouts

• 1 bag frozen Brussels Sprouts
• 1/2 tablespoon salt
• 1/2 tablespoon of pepper
• 5 tablespoon of olive oil

 

1. Preheat oven to 450. Coat sprouts in olive, salt, pepper.
2. cook for 30-40 minutes.

Dining out-noodles and company

Lately, the energy levels have not been what I’d like. Can’t say why, though I think the lack of protein may have something to do with it. So yesterday, the hubby wanted to go out with a friend and I decided that it might be good to go out. The decision had been made to eat at Noodles and Company and since I like to eat there, I didn't have an issue.

I decided on the Tomato basil bisque, with some sliced up parmesan chicken mixed in. Nice and tangy, I like the chunks that were still in it. The portion, even at half a bowl, was still huge. I never realized the portion sized until I couldn’t eat the whole thing.

Do we really eat this much food?

I did not have any problems with the soup or the chicken, though most of it came home with me. I’m going to have it for dinner tonight, therefore not wasting a thing.

This weekend we’re going to be emptying the pantry and the fridge to get in the right frame of mind when it come to eating. the hubby does not want to, but it’s for the best.

What should I include on the list? I know whole wheat thing, but any other suggestions?

6 week check up…solid food

Today was the 6 week check up for me. Had to say, all was well. though, the belly button thing is irritating. It’s not healing as well as I’d like for it to. Since it’s still raw, no swimming. But…that’s not the best part.

Best Part: I’m on solid food now. I was mostly before, but now…the gates are open. Not saying I’m going to go crazy now. I still have to take it slow, since we don’t know how my system will react to things. I’m very excited to be at this point. I feel that I’ve made it this far in the process. I never thought that I would, but…oh yeah, it feels good.

what this means though is that I’m now going to have to really be careful what I eat. I can’t be as careless as I used to be with my foods. Also means that I get to use more cooking methods and recipes. Basically, it’s on.

Dining out

The hubby wanted to eat out and I now wanting to cook, said okay. Only thing was where to eat. With the stage of the diet that I’m at, I have to be very particular about what it is that I eat and where. A steakhouse…doesn’t make sense. Denny’s…ok. So, the hubby decided that he needed to go to Red Robin and have a monster burger. Fine with me. Taking one of my BFF’s with me, we headed out.

We got there and I asked for a kids a menu. For some strange reason, I thought that it would be ‘lighter’ than the adults. NO SUCH LUCK. the menu was minisucle, with about 7 items to choose from. The only think that even remotely looked like I could eat it was the chik on a stick. Some kind of grilled chicken pieces shoved on a stick. Hmmm…did not catch my fancy. The sides they had for the kids menu were good, but the main entrée’s…eh.

So I went back to the main menu and found the salmon burger. that looked promising, so I ordered it. Very tasty, with a nice spicy sauce on top. I had about an ounce of meat, no breat or the fries since they were fried and then I was done. I know the waitress was looking at me crazy, but hey…my stomach is smaller than a baby’s so get over it.

So, Red Robin is a viable place for me to eat later on. they had a few entrée’s like chicken and such, but those plates were too huge for me to eat at this point and I would have had leftovers for days. But still…not a wash out.

Good times.

Polenta and salmon

Yesterday was a good day. Deciding to forgo the chicken again, I made something new. I’m trying out these recipes from a book titled “The Baby Bistro Cookbook”. I know, baby food? But for the stage of the bariatric diet that I’m at, baby food is as hood as I’m going to go. So, we’ve been trying out recipes from it to see what I like and maybe, add it into the routine of daily eating. So, after the disaster of the chicken, I made something simpler…mostly. Polenta and salmon. I say simper mostly because I have never made polenta…ever. To me, it was some kind of mystery that needed to be studied further, by someone other than me. Don’t get me wrong, it looks delicious and I’m always ready to try it. As long as someone else is making it or it’s store bought. The hubby *sigh* was feeling cheap and decided that we could make it from scratch. Reluctantly, I agreed.

After forcing him to go online and get/find a recipe, we embarked on this new adventure, which turned out very tasty.

The salmon was simple enough and with the polenta and peas, very good. I must say, this is going in the recipe book for good.

 

Recipe adapted from The Baby Bistro Cookbook

Salmon:

2 salmon filets (I used frozen defrosted)

1 tsp. of salt

1 tsp. of pepper

1/4 tsp. of curry powder

Olive oil

Preheat oven to 325. Combine the the salt, curry powered and pepper. In a foil lined pan, place fish. Lightly coat the salmon filets with olive oil, making sure to spread it out and cover the filets. Sprinkle the mixture over the fish, rubbing in on the sides and top to evenly coat. Put into oven and cook for approximately 25 minutes.

Polenta:

3 cups of water

1 cup polenta

1 cup frozen peas

1/2 cup parmesan cheese

1/3 cup half and half

1/2 tbsp. salt, plus more to taste

Pepper to taste

Bring the water to a boil in a large, heavy pot. Add the salt. Gradually whisk in the cornmeal. Reduce the heat to low and cook, stirring often, until the mixture thickens and the cornmeal is tender, 15 to 20 minutes. Remove the pot from the heat. Add the cheese  half and half, peas and pepper. Stir until cheese has melted. Peas will thaw in the hot polenta, coming out nice and crisp, with their green color still bright. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Transfer the polenta to a bowl and serve.

Since the fish took a bit longer than the polenta, the peas were nice and tender by the time dinner was ready. I only a little, but the hubby wiped his plate clean, so I’m taking it that was good.

Bad day…

Yesterday was a really bad day for me and the cooking bug. Started off nice, found a recipe in a kids cookbook about how to make food for toddlers and you. Seemed simple enough…chicken nuggets. the original recipe called for frying them, but since I can’t eat fried food, I baked them.

1st mistake: I had the oven set at 400 for the beets I was roasting when I put in the nuggets.

2nd mistake: baked them too long at this high heat and thus…they were dried out.

Now, I didn’t think this would be an issue, since I normally eat dried out white meat. Yes…I’m crazy like that. I also like stale peeps and popcorn, so sue me.

Anyways, ate a few bites of the chicken nuggets and they seemed to go down…okay…until they got stuck in my tube. Now…when you have bariatric surgery and it’s the gastric, the narrow the passage way that the food takes to the size of a pencil eraser. Which is why you have to chew your food to a literal pulp to get it down, that and small bites. Something must have gone wrong, because I was in pain for a long time last night. that is, until I got it to come back up. I know, gross, but a warning to others in my postion.

So…I guess this means no more dried out meat. DAMN!

Something new…though not

I should have guessed this little fact, but I was too busy trying to be cute. I can no longer chew gum. It puts too much air into my stomach and bloats me up. This is a true bummer. I have an oral fixation, needing to put something in my mouth if it’s not food. Usually, it was sugar free gum that I turned to, but now…I need to find something else. I don’t want it to be food and I sure as hell am not going to start smoking again, but really what are the options?

On other news, grocery shopping is tomorrow. This should be such fun. My energy levels are up from the past couple of days, so I should be having fun.