Something in the air

I seem to be a bundle of energy lately. So much on my mind, so many plans I feel as if I have AHDH, if that’s what it’s like. I’m focused, but still find myself jumping from thing to thing, never enough time to get it all done. Tires me out thinking about it.

Today I went shopping and I must say…I felt good going through the stores and buying larges and xl, instead of 2xl’s or even 3xl’s as I had been. Felt very good to try stuff on, be excited about the prospect of something new. Not that I wasn’t before, but now…it’s different. Better somehow. I liked being able to wear what’s current and trendy, rather than what other’s think I should be wearing as a big girl. I just feel…lighter. As if I can accomplish all the goals that I have set for me. I don’t know if I felt that way before. I might have, but I don’t think it was this strong. I just feel good.

The shopping trip was also an eye opener, mostly about how I’m starting to view my friends and the life I’ve been living. I can’t say it was all that fun before, mostly doing what I felt I had to. Now, I want more. I want to be freer than I ever have been before, but I find myself being held back by others. Other’s that don’t get how I’ve changed and not just the weight.

I realize for some, that weight is nothing. Must be nice. For me, it was both nothing and everything to my way of thinking. Looking back, I found that I used to hold onto things, almost like a hoarder. Not as bad, but the mentality was there. I don’t know why or how, but letting go of some things used to freak me out. Now, that I’m almost at goal weight, I look around this apartment and I want to toss it all. Start new and begin again. A spring cleaning of both home and life. I don’t want to keep hanging on to things that are not going to be good for me, help me succeed. I can see now, why people who have had gastric lose so many people in their life. They start to look at things differently, start to see the world around them in a whole new light and it’s not the same. they are eternally different, changed on a level that other’s just don’t get if they aren’t in the club.