I want to run away. I’ve been unsettled for a while, wanting to stay but needing to go. Or is needing to stay but wanting to go? I can’t tell right now. The unhappiness that I feel is stifling, almost to the point of choking. I should go home, let my parents care for me and just…veg. I have no kids, no real responsibilities that keep me from doing that. But yet, I still feel the need to keep pressing on, ignore the hurt and pretend that I’m okay with everything that’s happened to me. It’s the way I always do things. But I have to be honest, I’m tired of doing it the old way. The burden of doing it is starting to get to me.
I’m not sure I’m ready to leave, but staying here is close to being painful. I want…plain and simple I want. I want more than I had and more than I have and that…can cause some problems.
Who the hell am I kidding…I don’t know what I want.
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