At ease

So last time we talked, I mentioned being at ease in my new body, trying to live this different life. I’m not going to lie…there are time when I look in the mirror and I’m still shocked at who I see staring back at me. It’s weird at times to see my body thin, my face less round. I still feel like the fat girl. That’s not a bad thing, just an odd thing. I think I get, just a little, the body image mismatch some women have.
There are times, when I’m next to a “skinny” person and I feel…big, cumbersome. there is no other way to explain it. I just feel large and maybe a little aggressive, or dominate.
Its that just the big girl feeling? Thinking that my size is an overwhelming “thing” that can make others feel small?  I didn’t really feel that way before, maybe only occasionally, but these days…all the time.
All this leads me to wonder at what point will I be at ease in my own body again? At what point does the face in the mirror look familiar? Will it ever happen?
This is one of those things that they don’t cover in your pre or post op appointment.
Even though I feel this way at times, I have to acknowledge that I’m more at ease in this body than before. You would think after that long spiel I’m al freaked out still, but I’m not. Honest. Every day,this face feels more at home. This body becomes more my own as I learn to read it better, care for it more. It’s true…4 years later and my body and I are still getting reacquainted. No surprise really, since the change was drastic, dramatic and fast.
I can’t say I’m fully at ease yet, but I’m closer than I was a year, a month, even a day ago.
Tell me…if you're had major weight loss, either thru surgery or anything else…how long did it take you to become at ease?