Waiting

Seems I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. Waiting for the next chapter in my life to start. waiting to do what I want…waiting for the other person to be ready…waiting for the things I want in life to come to me.

I made plans to be this fabulous woman, outgoing and friendly and gracious. Planned extravagant parties and social activities and going to faraway place.

What the hell happened?

why am I waiting? what exactly am I waiting for? why can’t I go and do what I’ve planned for my life, accomplish all the goals I’ve set for myself, even if I do fail?

I remember in my marriage how I waited, waited for it to end, made plans for the next chapter, waited for the right moment. It never came and I had to make my own way. I remember all the grand plans that I’d made, all the parties I was going to throw and go to, all the plays and shows I wanted to see. All the travel I wanted to do. for some reason…I’m still waiting. waiting for the bills to not be so high, waiting for the right time, waiting…waiting…waiting. Why? What is about life that makes me just wait and plan? I have tons of plans and tons of ideas, but I seem to be stuck in the waiting phase, just looking around at all the other people who are doing what they set out to do. What exactly am I waiting for?

I made myself a promise when my marriage was falling down around me and I was scared and alone. I promised that when I came out the other side, I was going to take the new me and do all the things I’d been promised in my life. travel, shop, dine and party. (not table top dancing, but civilized) It seems that I’ve been a bit lax on that promise, but not again. From today on, I will do all that I said I would and take whatever happens.

Time to start living again.

Confessions

I have to admit something, something that I thought I never would.

I miss my regular sized stomach

Not so much the weight, but the simple joy I had in eating till my plate was clean. I don’t get this feeling often, but something when food looks really good and I’m just staring at it, the old feeling comes back and I wonder at it. More like a sense of nostalgia for the old days.

Do I want to go back to how things used to be? No, especially not since I just bought a sexy bodycon leopard print dress with the back cut out from Charlotte Russe…A place I never stepped foot in. Especially not when I look at my closet and all the slim jeans I have in it.

But in being honest with myself and how I’m living my life now, I have to admit that the feelings does exist.

Does the thought still linger for you? How do you combat it?

Recipe time

I made dinner today and from the raves the boyfriend is giving me, I’m thinking he really liked it. So let me share it with you.

Italian sausage pasta

·         4 Italian sausage links

·         Two medium carrots

·         One celery stalk

·         1 tsp of garlic

·         2 tablespoons of Philadelphia cream cheese

·         A can of diced tomatoes

·         ½ cup of water

·         Salt pepper

·         Whole wheat pasta

Pre-heat a medium skillet on medium heat. Dice up the carrots and celery, and sauté in the pan until they are tender. You can salt the carrots and celery.

While you are doing this, bring a pot of water to a boil. Add the pasta to the water and cook according to the package instructions.

Once the vegetables are tender, break up the Italian sausage into pieces and brown the meat. Once the meat is cooked through, add the can of diced tomatoes, water, salt and pepper to taste. Bring this to a simmer. Once it’s a simmer, add the cream cheese and incorporate into the sauce. Bring back to a simmer and stir occasionally. Taste for seasoning.

Once the pasta is cooked, drain and add to the sauce. Top with Parmesan if wanted

That’s it…enjoy!!!

Untitled #39

Untitled #39 by dirogers featuring a stackable bracelet

Rick Owens fitted long sleeve shirt, $540 / Freaky Nation jacket, $200 / SuperTrash jeans, $68 / Aéropostale ankle booties / Chloé handbag / Stackable bracelet / Chain hoop earrings, $6.40 / American Eagle Outfitters scarve