Weird…

I like paper. No…I’m slightly obssessed with paper. I don’t know quite where it comes from, but at times, I find myself thinking about buying out the whole stationary section of any store and just rolling around in all the pretty paper. And it’s not just pretty paper…lined paper makes me smile as well.

Where is this going?

Well…I need to start making plans for this transition in my life. I need to write it all down and figure out where I’m going. I know I have a laptop…and a tablet…and a smart phone…but none of those equals the joy of pulling out a pen and putting it to paper. You just can’t do things on a computer that you can on a paper. and who the hell wants to buy an app when I can get a pretty notebook and do the same? Not me. Just thinking about getting a new notepad right now is making me happy. Lord…am I sad or what?

No matter…I will get the paper I desire and start to chisel away at the is oppressive sense of being bogged down. I have to get a grip and develop a plan.

Starting anew

Moving home is hard…harder than a lot of things people think are hard. It’s even harder when you’ve been on your own for a while and have a set way of doing things. Things like coming and going as you please; eating what you want; peeing with the door open. You know, the simple things.

As this divorce winds down and comes to a close, I’m packing up and getting ready to go home. I will be moving back in with my parents for a little while, at least until I figure out what I’m going to do. I want to be a chef, but there is a fear there that I’m not going to make it. I try to keep it down, but with one failed relationship under my belt and the inability to take of myself without asking my parents for financial assistance, it’s kinda easy to let the fear win. Maybe that’s a good reason to go home for a bit…to let the fear win while I rebuild my reserves and come to grips with what is happening in my life. My friends would like for me to stay here and under normal circumstances…I’d think about it. I really would. But too many things are hitting me at once and I just don’t have the inner strength right now to keep them from knocking me down. I’m not scared to admit it. I’ve learned a lot in the past few months and one of them is that it’s okay to not be strong all the time.

I have been missing my dr.’s appt’s as late and that is very bad of me. I’m sure Dr. Snyder is going to kill me when I finally make it back it, but at least I’ll be back in. While there, I’ll have to find a dr. to take his place when I get to NC. One thing I hate is switching dr.’s. Ughhhh…