My take on things...

So with the new year comes a lot a of...stuff. Stuff to do, stuff to think about and just stuff to give away. It's been a while since I stopped in on my blog, but I'm hoping that I can change that. Just because I'm at goal weight does not mean my struggles have stopped. Just means they can sneak up on my butt quicker.

So, in comments, someone had a few questions and I thought the perfect place to answer them would be here in the blog. This blog is here for everyone thinking of gastric or any kind of wls surgery and if there are any questions that need to be answered or any information needed to be passed out, I will do my best to help. There is nothing that I wont answer or tell you, since I'm occasionally known as one of those TMI people *lol* Here goes:

If you knew beforehand what the struggle would be like, would you do it again? I mean really, the pain, the relationships, the hormone swings, the vomiting, the gas/dumping, never having easy food on hand anymore and being forced to cook -- would you go through all that again?
The honest to god truth is that yes, I would do it again. One of the main reasons that I waited as long as I did is because of the complications from earlier surgeries,when the tech was not so good and Dr.'s had no idea of what they were doing. I didn't want to be fileted like a fish and risk all kinds of complications. With the tech that's out today, it's smoother and easier, for the most part. I say that because in every surgery group, there is at least two people who will not do well in the beginning. It's guaranteed to happen. They will be the ones to have all the pain and complications the dr.'s talk about. I was lucky I wasn't one of them. I can't say if you will be one or not and that's the risk you have to take. I looked at it this way: I had bp 180/140, weighted 260 lbs and was on the verge of developing diabetes, all before 35. I had to make a change that was drastic or I was not going to make 40. Simple as that.

The hormone swings are easier to compensate for when you know you're going to have them. I didn't and as an emotionally repressed individual, it was a shock all the way around. As I learned my new body, I learned what set me off and what I could to combat them. Mostly it was a lack of protein and if I kept up the intake I needed, they weren't as bad. These days I've leveled out, but before...you were lucky if I didn't try to push you off a cliff then skip away.

The relationships are a tricky territory that each person has to navigate. Mine where changing anyway and the surgery just...sped it up. If your friends love you and have supported you through the surgery and all that it entails, then they will stay. It's the ones you know that sabotage you and hold you back that you have to watch out for. And you know who they are, even now before the surgery. The ones who don't help you diet, who urge you to cheat, who make snide comments when you do lose weight on you own. The surgery and everything that comes with it just brings out the nastiness more and you will know when to let go.

Having easy food on hand was a hard thing to adjust to, until I realized just what was in the “easy” food. My easy foods were snickers, cookies, pop tarts...all the stuff that didn't help me in the least. I had to let it go and it was a good thing. Now, easy foods for me are carrots, fruit, string cheese, yogurts. It's still all easy, just better for me. I've learned to make my food ahead, so I'm not at the last moment trying to find food. Also, my cravings are different, or maybe the way I handle them has changed. I want something sweet? I grab a fruit. Something crunchy? A carrot with some hummus. Don't think that I'm completely on this health wagon, cuz I'm not. I still have ice cream (1 scoop) and Twinkies (½ of one.) I've just learned moderation and when to treat myself. Cuz even now, if I don't get enough protein, I'm a mean bitch. Just saying...

Can you say you are happy as a person? You admitted to being somewhat depressed -- do you feel like you've rebounded from that or are you a skinny person that's depressed?
I think my depression was something more internal than the weight. At the moment, I'm trying to finish school, get a better job, etc. Before, I was dealing with financial issues and whether or not I wanted to stay where I was relationship wise or not. The weight loss released a lot of hormones that just made it all...more intense. Even now, I still have doubts and some depression, but I can't say it's linked to the weight. As I said before, I'm not the most in touch emotionally and all these hormones throw me off from time to time. I can't say that I've rebounded, since I'm still going through some issues, but the truth is that I was feeling this way beforehand and I'm still dealing with them now, even after surgery. So the answer is yes and no. Overall...I'm happy with the decision that I made and how it's affected my life. Because the issues I'm going through now are not compounded by medical issues or the fear of more medical issues.

I'm just trying to figure out a realistic picture of how worthwhile all this struggle will be? I mean do you live with indigestion all the time?
No, I don't. I believe that after a year or probably a little before the year is up from gastric, your body settles into it's new place. It adapts to the new anatomy and learns to adjust. I do still have the weird rumblings in my intestines and some things I just can't eat, but I learn to avoid those things or work around them. Also, this far out, my stomach is a tad bigger, so it's able to hold more food without making me feel stuffed. I've learned to listen to my body better now, understanding what the full feeling is and not eating past it, which I would have done before.

A realistic picture of the process is that it's hard in the beginning and you have to relearn things. You have to learn to eat again, properly. You have to give up some foods or find replacements for them that may taste like crap. ( I said I'd tell you the truth) You may at times think “What the hell did I do?” cuz I did that all the time during the liquid and beginning solids stage. My dietician says that if you can make it through the 1st 3 months, then you are home free and she's right. This is so much more intense than a diet or a weight loss plan. Its permanent and life altering and you have to be ready for it. It's not an easy fix and it's possible to fail with this, just like a diet. You have to want it, more than anything else in your life. Regardless of the weight loss, you have to want this change in your life. Cuz you may not lose as much weight as I did, or it may take you longer. That's the truth of things.

But the rewards are very much worth it.
I don't want to sound like I'm selling this, cuz I'm not. If you decided not to do it, good. Something else may work better for you. Do all the research you can before going to that first seminar. Ask all the crazy questions that pop into your mind. You may find that this is not the path for you and so much the better for not taking a road not meant for you.

I hope I did more good than bad and if anyone else wants to ask me something, feel free. Nothing is truly taboo.

1 year post-op

It’s hard to believe that I am one year out from surgery. I had my check up on Nov 29 and was told that I was perfect. Doing well and everything. I just had to shake my head. But really…one whole year has passed since I made the decisions that have changed my life in more than one way. I have to admit that I keep checking myself out in the mirror when I walk by, look at my face from every angle, wondering who the hell is staring back at me. Dr. Snyder was telling me that he wouldn’t have recognized me in the street. Hell, half the time I don’t know me! It’s a weird and wonderful feeling all at the same time. I told him that I like being able to go into the stores for the “skinny” people and not have to only buy the accessories. Oh man, it’s crazy knowing that I can buy just about any piece of clothing in the store if I money were no object, rather than my size holding me back.

I have said it before and I’ll say it again…it’s not about the weight. It was always about the health, but I’m not going to lie and tell you that I don’t like looking as good as I do now. This blog is about the truth and I’m not going to start lying at this point. I like being smaller than I was. there is no shame in admitting it. I loved me big and I love me small. It’s just…people look at you a LOT different when you are 100lbs lighter than before.

Now that I’ve reached my milestone, I need to start setting goals that are not weight related. I made a lot of promises to myself and it’s time I start keeping them.

Thinking hurts…

So I’ve had an epiphany of sorts. More like a realization really, but still amounts to the same thing.

A lot of us talk about how our friends change once the we have the surgery. that once the weight comes off and we are behaving differently, our friends start to either like it or not like it. The ones that don’t, we take notice of and point out at all our meetings, to anyone that will listen to how hurt we are. But here’s something that may have slipped your notice.

What if it’s us/you and not them?

Think about it, long and deep before you jump off the handle at me and call me all kinds of names. You can call me them if you like, but that’s another story.

Sit down and think about where you’re head is right now. What’s on you mind as your body changes and shifts, as your moods swing from one arena to the other, as you contemplate this new path you are on. Are you the same person that you used to be? I know that I’m not and after all this time of complaining about the people surrounding me, I’m starting to see that I’m also different, a new me if you will. The things I used to be willing to tolerate have changed, which means that certain people have to either change or let me go. I’m not to nice about it either, having less patience than I used to for the slow movers. This can and does cause some issues. Not everyone is at the same point in their life as me and I forget that as I chug along, changing and rearranging and throwing out the old the let in the new. Not everyone wants to change, no matter how much I may want them to. My thoughts are different now, dreams coming to the forefront and an urge to make them all come true. I have people around me that dream as well, but the different I feel at this point is that I’m going to make the effort to make them true, even if I fail miserably in the process. At least then I know. The people around me dream, but are scared of that final push and I often feel resent me for being willing to take the risk. It could be me though, and my unwillingness to slow down for them, when it’s clear that they are not going to make the effort to try to catch up.

I keep putting the blame on them, but some of it belongs on me and I’m trying to carry it like a big girl. I’m different, and I want different things from my life than I used to. I don’t understand any longer, though I doubt I ever did, those that don’t, Those that don’t want to be better than they are, but complain that things are so bad where they are. I want more, almost obsessed with it at this point and I see the slow people in my lane as obstacles, something to shove aside as I reach for the stars.

I guess what I’m saying is that not only do your friends leave sometimes through this process, but sometimes, you push them out of the way to get to something better. Whether this is good or bad depends on the friend. If they’ve made the effort to understand what you’re going through, the process and the emotions that rapid weight loss can cause, then I say slow down and let them catch up to you. they are worth it and even if the relationship is not the same, it could be better than it ever was, evolving into something beautiful. 

If on the other hand, they show no interest, pretending that you are the same as you ever were even through the mirror is clearly telling you something different, then if may be time to reevaluate where you stand with that person.

Don’t know if I should say this…

But I get cravings…a lot

They aren’t as bad as they used to be and the taste seems to have shifted. for nearly two weeks, I wanted nothing but fruit. Apples, melons, cherries, you name it, I wanted it. Then it was carbs. Not bad cravings like I’d had before, but they're were still there. Mostly potatoes and some pasta, but I did give in occasionally to donuts. No shame there, just an acknowledgment that this surgery is a tool, not an answer to what goes on in my body. I try to find substitutes, but when I can’t, I give in to the craving, but limit it if it’s a naughty craving to something small. That’s just life and I acknowledge it. I am still working out, though I have to see why people say the feel better. I don’t. Never have and never will. Oh well…

Has anyone else noticed that when they walk passed the mirror, they stop to stare at themselves? I find myself doing it all the time, turning this way and that way to admire the new body. *lol* just a thought.

Dinner...

Baked Salmon

Oven - 400 °
Time - 20 to 30 minutes

Hardware:
Baking Sheet
Foil Sheets

Ingredients:
2-4oz. Salmon pieces
½ tbsp Dijon Mustard
1 tsp Fish Sauce
1 tsp Soy Sauce
¼ cup Olive Oil
½ tbsp Lemon Juice
¼ tsp Garlic
½ tsp Salt
1 tsp Pepper
1 tbsp Vinegar
¼ tsp Sugar
Red Onion - small ½ moon shapes
1 8 oz Jar Roasted Artichoke’s


Pre-heat oven to the 400 degrees. Need 2 4 oz pieces of Salmon. In a mixing bowl combine the mustard, soy sauce, fish sauce, lemon juice, garlic, salt, pepper, vinegar, and sugar. Mix thoroughly to combine all ingredients. Stream in olive oil to create a vinaigrette.

Prep small red onion and cut half moon shapes. Create a bed with the onions on the foil sheets. Place fish on top of the onions. Sprinkle the Salmon pieces with some salt and pepper. Drain the can of roasted artichokes, dicing 1 to 2 pieces of artichoke per fish. Then place these on top of the salmon; along with any left over onion. Take foil, and create a pouch, but leave a small opening to place the vinaigrette inside.

Spoon the ½ of the vinaigrette over one piece of salmon, and then repeat the other half over the second piece of salmon. Place onto the baking sheet. Close the pouch and put it into the oven for 20 to 30 minutes.

I served this with a nice quinoa and cucumber salad. Very filling and full of protein. The salmon came out nice and flaky, still moist and pink in the center. I do have one thing to say though. I would be very careful with the fish sauce. It’s salty on it’s own, so watch the other salt you put into the fish and even side dishes. I had to do some tweaking even after I made the vinaigrette, since I forgot about how salty the fish was.

Husband's Portion:















My portion:

A rant if you will

Let’s talk about something that’s been on my mind for a while. A long while, since before surgery. Stereotypes.More specifically, the stereotypes that we as wls’er’s face every day. I’m going to start with one that plagues me all the time, though never to my face.

#1-you took the easy way out.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME! These people have no idea how hard this decision was, how hard it is to live it everyday, how long it took me to come to the conclusion that this was the only way to save my life. As a fat person, you know that I went on every diet that came out on the market. Took all the pills, did all the groups, lost all the weight only to have it come back on twice as bad. To be honest, I could deal with the weight. I loved myself enough that I liked who I saw in the mirror. Call it a strong upbringing, or a father who spoiled me rotten, but I did not suffer low self-esteem as some other people do. Whether they were overweight or not. what I did suffer from  was high blood pressure. It runs on the family and my father told me in an off-hand kind of way that his father died from it. They couldn’t get it down and he stroked out. That was the wake up call. That and the fact that every time I went to the dr., my stats just kept rising. I was diagnosed at the age of 25 with hbp. That’s not funny in the least. I knew that diabetes and other obesity related diseases were just around the corner. Being out of breath on three flights of stairs…not so cute. So I made the decision to lose the weight, any way that I could. It was not easy and it still isn’t. Do you know what it’s like not to be able to eat what you want, when you want? Being on the diet is easy, you can just cheat any time you want, with no consequences. If I want to cheat, I have to weight it carefully, whether it will mess me up later on down the road or right then. there is no falling off the wagon anymore. This is my life and it was the hardest decision that I have ever had to make. Don’t make me out to be come kind of lazy bum. It’s a tool, not a quick fix.

#2-People who have weight loss surgery always get divorced.

Have you ever thought of why that is? Once you lose the weight and start seeing yourself in a new light, you start to see the rest of the world in that same new light. People who used to be your friends now look at you as if you are a stranger. They whisper about you (sometimes) leaving you  out of events because they think you won’t go cuz of food. Your spouse, who was with you before the surgery, starts to get jealous of all the attention you’re now getting, jealous that you are taking better care of yourself, jealous that you no longer look at food the way you used to. They can’t sabotage you anymore, can’t bring food into the house hoping you’ll binge and fall off the wagon. I’m not saying that every relationship is like this. HELL NO! what I am saying is that some relationships are like this. Detrimental from the start, only the other person was too…something to see it. blind, lonely, whatever the reason, they stuck around, thinking it was all they could have. Almost like a battered wife. You think it’s what you deserve, until you see the light. The weight comes off and you start to feel better about yourself, you start to see a light at the end of the tunnel, knowing that your day is coming. People around you, if they truly love you, will stick through the ups and downs. Those that don’t, make it known early on how it’s going to go and you have to make the decision if it’s worth it or not. A lot times, wls’er’s don’t and that’s why they divorce and lose friends. It has nothing really to do with the surgery and more to do with coming into your own, finding your footing that you never knew you had.

Those are the two big ones that I deal with. I’m sure there are others and I’m very interested to find out what they are and how you combat them. Let me in comments or a link back to a blog post discussing this issue.

New Clothes…

Have I shown you my new clothes? So giddy like it’s Christmas, every time I go shopping for clothes.

 This was one of the first outfits I bought when I felt confident that I wasn’t going to be dropping dress sizes overnight *LOL* I’m also creating a look book, with all my new outfits.