Thinking hurts…

So I’ve had an epiphany of sorts. More like a realization really, but still amounts to the same thing.

A lot of us talk about how our friends change once the we have the surgery. that once the weight comes off and we are behaving differently, our friends start to either like it or not like it. The ones that don’t, we take notice of and point out at all our meetings, to anyone that will listen to how hurt we are. But here’s something that may have slipped your notice.

What if it’s us/you and not them?

Think about it, long and deep before you jump off the handle at me and call me all kinds of names. You can call me them if you like, but that’s another story.

Sit down and think about where you’re head is right now. What’s on you mind as your body changes and shifts, as your moods swing from one arena to the other, as you contemplate this new path you are on. Are you the same person that you used to be? I know that I’m not and after all this time of complaining about the people surrounding me, I’m starting to see that I’m also different, a new me if you will. The things I used to be willing to tolerate have changed, which means that certain people have to either change or let me go. I’m not to nice about it either, having less patience than I used to for the slow movers. This can and does cause some issues. Not everyone is at the same point in their life as me and I forget that as I chug along, changing and rearranging and throwing out the old the let in the new. Not everyone wants to change, no matter how much I may want them to. My thoughts are different now, dreams coming to the forefront and an urge to make them all come true. I have people around me that dream as well, but the different I feel at this point is that I’m going to make the effort to make them true, even if I fail miserably in the process. At least then I know. The people around me dream, but are scared of that final push and I often feel resent me for being willing to take the risk. It could be me though, and my unwillingness to slow down for them, when it’s clear that they are not going to make the effort to try to catch up.

I keep putting the blame on them, but some of it belongs on me and I’m trying to carry it like a big girl. I’m different, and I want different things from my life than I used to. I don’t understand any longer, though I doubt I ever did, those that don’t, Those that don’t want to be better than they are, but complain that things are so bad where they are. I want more, almost obsessed with it at this point and I see the slow people in my lane as obstacles, something to shove aside as I reach for the stars.

I guess what I’m saying is that not only do your friends leave sometimes through this process, but sometimes, you push them out of the way to get to something better. Whether this is good or bad depends on the friend. If they’ve made the effort to understand what you’re going through, the process and the emotions that rapid weight loss can cause, then I say slow down and let them catch up to you. they are worth it and even if the relationship is not the same, it could be better than it ever was, evolving into something beautiful. 

If on the other hand, they show no interest, pretending that you are the same as you ever were even through the mirror is clearly telling you something different, then if may be time to reevaluate where you stand with that person.

Don’t know if I should say this…

But I get cravings…a lot

They aren’t as bad as they used to be and the taste seems to have shifted. for nearly two weeks, I wanted nothing but fruit. Apples, melons, cherries, you name it, I wanted it. Then it was carbs. Not bad cravings like I’d had before, but they're were still there. Mostly potatoes and some pasta, but I did give in occasionally to donuts. No shame there, just an acknowledgment that this surgery is a tool, not an answer to what goes on in my body. I try to find substitutes, but when I can’t, I give in to the craving, but limit it if it’s a naughty craving to something small. That’s just life and I acknowledge it. I am still working out, though I have to see why people say the feel better. I don’t. Never have and never will. Oh well…

Has anyone else noticed that when they walk passed the mirror, they stop to stare at themselves? I find myself doing it all the time, turning this way and that way to admire the new body. *lol* just a thought.

Dinner...

Baked Salmon

Oven - 400 °
Time - 20 to 30 minutes

Hardware:
Baking Sheet
Foil Sheets

Ingredients:
2-4oz. Salmon pieces
½ tbsp Dijon Mustard
1 tsp Fish Sauce
1 tsp Soy Sauce
¼ cup Olive Oil
½ tbsp Lemon Juice
¼ tsp Garlic
½ tsp Salt
1 tsp Pepper
1 tbsp Vinegar
¼ tsp Sugar
Red Onion - small ½ moon shapes
1 8 oz Jar Roasted Artichoke’s


Pre-heat oven to the 400 degrees. Need 2 4 oz pieces of Salmon. In a mixing bowl combine the mustard, soy sauce, fish sauce, lemon juice, garlic, salt, pepper, vinegar, and sugar. Mix thoroughly to combine all ingredients. Stream in olive oil to create a vinaigrette.

Prep small red onion and cut half moon shapes. Create a bed with the onions on the foil sheets. Place fish on top of the onions. Sprinkle the Salmon pieces with some salt and pepper. Drain the can of roasted artichokes, dicing 1 to 2 pieces of artichoke per fish. Then place these on top of the salmon; along with any left over onion. Take foil, and create a pouch, but leave a small opening to place the vinaigrette inside.

Spoon the ½ of the vinaigrette over one piece of salmon, and then repeat the other half over the second piece of salmon. Place onto the baking sheet. Close the pouch and put it into the oven for 20 to 30 minutes.

I served this with a nice quinoa and cucumber salad. Very filling and full of protein. The salmon came out nice and flaky, still moist and pink in the center. I do have one thing to say though. I would be very careful with the fish sauce. It’s salty on it’s own, so watch the other salt you put into the fish and even side dishes. I had to do some tweaking even after I made the vinaigrette, since I forgot about how salty the fish was.

Husband's Portion:















My portion:

A rant if you will

Let’s talk about something that’s been on my mind for a while. A long while, since before surgery. Stereotypes.More specifically, the stereotypes that we as wls’er’s face every day. I’m going to start with one that plagues me all the time, though never to my face.

#1-you took the easy way out.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME! These people have no idea how hard this decision was, how hard it is to live it everyday, how long it took me to come to the conclusion that this was the only way to save my life. As a fat person, you know that I went on every diet that came out on the market. Took all the pills, did all the groups, lost all the weight only to have it come back on twice as bad. To be honest, I could deal with the weight. I loved myself enough that I liked who I saw in the mirror. Call it a strong upbringing, or a father who spoiled me rotten, but I did not suffer low self-esteem as some other people do. Whether they were overweight or not. what I did suffer from  was high blood pressure. It runs on the family and my father told me in an off-hand kind of way that his father died from it. They couldn’t get it down and he stroked out. That was the wake up call. That and the fact that every time I went to the dr., my stats just kept rising. I was diagnosed at the age of 25 with hbp. That’s not funny in the least. I knew that diabetes and other obesity related diseases were just around the corner. Being out of breath on three flights of stairs…not so cute. So I made the decision to lose the weight, any way that I could. It was not easy and it still isn’t. Do you know what it’s like not to be able to eat what you want, when you want? Being on the diet is easy, you can just cheat any time you want, with no consequences. If I want to cheat, I have to weight it carefully, whether it will mess me up later on down the road or right then. there is no falling off the wagon anymore. This is my life and it was the hardest decision that I have ever had to make. Don’t make me out to be come kind of lazy bum. It’s a tool, not a quick fix.

#2-People who have weight loss surgery always get divorced.

Have you ever thought of why that is? Once you lose the weight and start seeing yourself in a new light, you start to see the rest of the world in that same new light. People who used to be your friends now look at you as if you are a stranger. They whisper about you (sometimes) leaving you  out of events because they think you won’t go cuz of food. Your spouse, who was with you before the surgery, starts to get jealous of all the attention you’re now getting, jealous that you are taking better care of yourself, jealous that you no longer look at food the way you used to. They can’t sabotage you anymore, can’t bring food into the house hoping you’ll binge and fall off the wagon. I’m not saying that every relationship is like this. HELL NO! what I am saying is that some relationships are like this. Detrimental from the start, only the other person was too…something to see it. blind, lonely, whatever the reason, they stuck around, thinking it was all they could have. Almost like a battered wife. You think it’s what you deserve, until you see the light. The weight comes off and you start to feel better about yourself, you start to see a light at the end of the tunnel, knowing that your day is coming. People around you, if they truly love you, will stick through the ups and downs. Those that don’t, make it known early on how it’s going to go and you have to make the decision if it’s worth it or not. A lot times, wls’er’s don’t and that’s why they divorce and lose friends. It has nothing really to do with the surgery and more to do with coming into your own, finding your footing that you never knew you had.

Those are the two big ones that I deal with. I’m sure there are others and I’m very interested to find out what they are and how you combat them. Let me in comments or a link back to a blog post discussing this issue.

New Clothes…

Have I shown you my new clothes? So giddy like it’s Christmas, every time I go shopping for clothes.

 This was one of the first outfits I bought when I felt confident that I wasn’t going to be dropping dress sizes overnight *LOL* I’m also creating a look book, with all my new outfits.

Something's been on my mind…

After dr.Snyder's seminar at the beginning of the month and having one question keep coming back around, I thought I would talk about it. It seems to be on everyone’s mind, especially if they are considering having gastric bypass or the sleeve.

Loose skin

Most people want to know about, but few people who go through it want to discuss it. I’m not sure if it’s vanity or just not wanting to give TMI, but I’m going to give it a shot.

I started this process at 260 lbs. The heaviest I’d ever been in my life. Always been a fat girl, but this was big even for my family. Which means I already had lots of skin. I had the extra baggage around the arm areas, waving like a third and fourth hand to anyone that I waved to. No biggie for me. I still did tank tops and sleeveless and tube tops and other items that exposed my arms. I also had huge thighs and back fat. Still didn’t stop me. This means that I never had that aversion to be exposed the way a lot of bigger people do. To be blunt, my self esteem was up there with the top models. I was the shit.

So now that I’ve lost 100lbs, all that fat that used to take up the skin is gone and now I just have the skin left over as a reminder of what I used to be. Does it bother me?

Not at all.

Still rocking the tank tops and tube tops and whatever the hell else I can fit into that I couldn’t before, even with the luggage chilling out under my arms. My thighs are smaller, and I have skin that pools around the joint when I’m laying on my back and have my legs in the air. (hey, not like that. My mother reads this.) I’m loving this new body in ways that I never did before. The skin is a non factor for me. To be honest though, I didn’t have as much to lose as other people and so the skin left is not as extreme as others. Take my husband for instance. Once he gets surgery, I fear/feel that he’s going to have A LOT of excess skin. He’s got a big tummy and…man boobs. that’s right, I said it! I promised to be honest and that is part of it.

Dr. Snyder has said that the bounce back of skin takes all kinds of factor’s into account. Age, race, health, smoker/non-smoker, working out or not. A lot of things can happen to make the skin bounce back or not. Will my skin tighten? I can’t say for sure. It may. Will I freak out if it doesn’t? No. Though…I may get a tummy tuck in the future…Just so I can say I have flat tummy. *LOL*

Updates and news…

Do you know that I’m doing a happy dance right now? A little jig that has me moving my feet and looking like a goof ball. Why you ask? Well, at my last dr. appt, the nurse informed me that I’m at a good weight right now. Five pounds give or take and it’s all good.

I’m officially 170 lbs!!!

Man, this feels good. I’ve never been this weight or this size in my life. I know that I could use some toning, but I feel good. My wardrobe is very sparse I’ll admit, but at this size, it should grow by leaps and bounds over the next few years. I’m not sure if I’ll get surgery, because I can deal with the loose skin. I mean…it’s like a badge of honor really, all this skin flapping around, but no fat to fill it out. I did it, I made a promise to myself and I kept it. I’ll continue to keep it as well.